const photography = new Art();
// iPhone 16 Pro: Because DSLRs are heavy
/* Warning: May contain traces of actual talent */
/* Free virtual cookies for every visitor */
// iPhone16Pro.capturePhoto();
// PhotonicEngine.processImage();
// NeuralEngine.enhanceDetails();
// AddFilter('clarity+100'); // The secret sauce
// Display.showResult();
// await Appreciation(); // Still loading...
let gallery = ['cat_pics', 'sunset_no_5', 'random_leaf'];
// portrait_mode.jpg
f/1.7 @ 48mm
// Subject blinked in 12/15 shots
f/1.7 @ 48mm
// Subject blinked in 12/15 shots
// night_shot.jpg
30s exposure @ ISO3200
// Actually just daytime with filter
30s exposure @ ISO3200
// Actually just daytime with filter
// macro_shot.jpg
2cm focus distance
// Took 47 tries
2cm focus distance
// Took 47 tries
// panorama.jpg
240° view @ 48MP
// Stitch failed on left side
240° view @ 48MP
// Stitch failed on left side
// action_shot.jpg
4K @ 120fps
// Subject was sleeping
4K @ 120fps
// Subject was sleeping
// pro_raw.dng
16-bit depth
// Still edited in Snapseed
16-bit depth
// Still edited in Snapseed
/* Professional photographer tip: */
The best camera is the one that fits in your pocket
// (And has Instagram installed)
The best camera is the one that fits in your pocket
// (And has Instagram installed)
class iPhone16Pro {...} // extends OverpricedPhone
Camera.specs
- // Triple camera system
- Main: 48MP, f/1.7 (for food pics)
- Ultra Wide: 12MP, f/2.2 (for group selfies)
- Telephoto: 12MP, f/2.8 (for creeping)
- // "Pro" features
- Photonic Engine (fancy words)
- Night Mode (still needs light)
- Deep Fusion (not about welding)
- Smart HDR 5 // 6 is coming next year
Video.capabilities
- // Cinematic mode
- 4K HDR @ 60fps (but I upload at 480p)
- Action mode stabilization (for my shaky hands)
- // ProRes support
- ProRes 422 HQ // Sounds expensive
- 10-bit HDR // 9 bits would be peasantry
- // Spatial Video
- 3D capture // For my nonexistent Vision Pro
const iphone16Pro = {
camera: "48MP Pro System", // 47MP more than needed
processor: "A18 Pro", // For smoother doomscrolling
display: "Super Retina XDR", // Brighter than my future
battery: "All-day life", // If day = 3 hours
os: "iOS 18" // With 17 new bugs
};
/* Actual photographer not pictured */
function aboutMe() {
/*
* Self-proclaimed "photographer" who
* bought an expensive phone to justify
* calling hobby shots "art"
*/
this.skills = [
"Mobile Photography", // It's not a phone, it's a camera!
"Lightroom Editing", // Sliders go brrr
"Computational Imaging", // Fancy term for filters
"Color Grading" // Making oranges extra orange
];