class Photographer extends Human {

about_me.exe
> Initializing life story...
> Loading childhood memories... [CORRUPTED]
> /* BASIC INFO */
> Name: Classified (Mom calls me "special")
> Age: Old enough to know better
> Location: The Internet
> Pronouns: Who/Needs/ToKnow
> /* PHOTOGRAPHY JOURNEY */
> 2005: Got first camera (2MP, no zoom, immortal)
> 2010: Discovered Instagram // RIP my dignity
> 2015: Learned what "aperture" means (sort of)
> 2020: Upgraded to iPhone // Never looked back
> 2024: Got iPhone 16 Pro // Now I'm "pro"
> /* SKILLS */
> Photography: Professional button presser
> Editing: Slider enthusiast
> Coding: Copy/Paste artisan
> Social Media: Professional lurker
> /* PERSONALITY */
> Humor: Dad jokes level: Expert
> Coffee: IV drip when possible
> Sleep: What's that?
> Motivation: 90% caffeine, 10% panic
> /* PHILOSOPHY */
> Rule 1: If it looks good, it is good
> Rule 2: Filters fix everything
> Rule 3: When in doubt, add lens flare
> Rule 4: No one notices the 87th cat pic
> /* FUN FACTS */
> - Can identify 37 shades of gray (not the book)
> - Once shot a wedding (with camera, not gun)
> - Have 14TB of photos // 13.9TB are memes
> - Know all best angles (for objects, not myself)
> - Can fix lighting in post (lie I tell myself)
> _

this.biography = function() {

In the beginning, there was light... and I underexposed it. My journey as a photographer began when I discovered the magical "auto" mode on my first camera. It was love at first shot, though most of those early photos belong in the digital equivalent of a locked basement.

I upgraded to an iPhone because carrying actual equipment seemed like too much work. With the iPhone 16 Pro, I've reached the pinnacle of "professional" photography - by which I mean I can now take 48MP photos of my lunch and make it look artsy with the right filter.

My creative process involves:

  • 1. Seeing something interesting
  • 2. Taking 137 photos of it
  • 3. Using 1% of my phone's editing capabilities
  • 4. Posting the most average one
  • 5. Obsessively checking for likes

I specialize in:

  • - Over-edited sunsets (they're basically paintings now)
  • - Candid street photography (people hate this)
  • - Food pics that make you hungry (then disappointed when you try to cook it)
  • - Abstract concepts like "the loneliness of a single sock"

When I'm not pretending to be Ansel Adams with a smartphone, I enjoy:

  • - Explaining to relatives that no, I can't fix their printer
  • - Debating RAW vs JPEG with people who care too much
  • - Buying camera gear I don't need (but looks professional)
  • - Writing absurdly long bios no one will read

My work has been featured in:

  • - My Instagram profile (@totallyRealPhotographer)
  • - That one local cafe's wall (they needed filler)
  • - My mom's fridge (center position)
  • - Several spam emails offering "exposure"
if (you.readThisFar) {
  console.log('You deserve a cookie');
} else {
  console.log('TL;DR - I take photos');
}

this.stats = {

∞
Photos Taken
// And counting
3.7%
Keep Rate
// The rest are trash
127
Filters Tried
// Vintage is life
1
Good Photos
// Maybe
}; /* That's enough stats */