const press = new FakeNews();

// "As seen on" these totally real publications
/* Warning: May contain traces of actual facts */

Press Hero Image
press_coverage {
  credibility: 0.7; // out of 100
  exaggeration: 9001; // It's over 9000!
  source: "Wikipedia (unverified)";
}

let coverage = ['hype', 'lies', 'clickbait'];

> Latest Press Mentions:
// Updated whenever someone notices us
----------------------------------------
TechToday: "Local iPhone Photographer Accidentally Creates Art"
// They meant to review a restaurant
----------------------------------------
DigitalArt Magazine: "Computational Photography or Just Filters?"
// Both. Definitely both.
----------------------------------------
iPhoneLife: "10 Settings You're Not Using (And Neither Are We)"
// ProRAW? More like Pro-NO
----------------------------------------
Local News: "Area Man Spends $1200 on Phone, Claims It's for 'Art'"
// They're not wrong
Tech Magazine Logo

TechToday.feature

"From Selfies to 'Art': The Snapy.Li Story"

// Published: Yesterday (probably)

In an exclusive interview that definitely happened, Snapy.Li reveals how they went from taking blurry pet photos to slightly less blurry "artistic" shots using nothing but an iPhone and questionable judgment.

/* Key quotes: */
"I just point and hope"
"The secret is pressing buttons randomly"
"Most shots end up deleted" // The real truth
read_more('ad_heavy');
Art Magazine Logo

ArtNow.interview

"Is iPhone Photography Real Art? We Asked Someone Who Isn't Sure"

// Published: When we needed credibility

In this groundbreaking piece, Snapy.Li struggles to explain their "creative process" which mainly involves waiting for good lighting and then using auto-enhance. Experts are divided on whether this constitutes art or just a waste of cloud storage.

/* Controversial takes: */
"DSLRs are just heavy phones"
"Composition is overrated"
"All my best shots are accidents"
read_more('paywall');

function pressReleases() {

> Official Snapy.Li Press Releases:
// Because we're important now
----------------------------------------
2025-06-15: "Snapy.Li Announces New 'Mostly Okay' Photo Series
// Critics say "meh"
Highlights: 12 photos where the subject is mostly in frame
view_release();
2025-05-22: "Snapy.Li Accidentally Wins Local Photo Contest"
// There were 3 entries
Prize: $15 gift card to a camera store (unused)
view_release();
2025-04-01: "Snapy.Li Announces Partnership with Fancy Camera Company"
// April Fools' joke gone too far
Update: Partnership lasted 3 hours
view_release();
2025-03-10: "Snapy.Li's Photo Rejected by Stock Site for 'Being Too Real'"
// They wanted more fake smiles
Silver Lining: Now an NFT worth $0.0001
view_release();

class MediaKit {...}

Press.downloads

For "journalists" who want to write about us (mom, that means you).

ZIP high-res-photos.zip
/* Contains 3 whole photos we don't hate */
PDF official-bio.pdf
/* 80% exaggeration, 20% truth */
TXT fun-facts.txt
/* "Fun" is subjective */

Press.inquiries

Want to interview us for your prestigious publication (blog)?

const pressContact = {
  email: "[email protected]", // Checked weekly(ish)
  responseTime: "1-3 business months",
  requirements: [
    "Flattering questions",
    "No technical photography questions",
    "Complimentary snacks" // Essential
  ]
};
contact_us('serious_inquiries_only');