category: Humor |
date: new Date("2023-11-15")
function perfectPhotos() {
// Spoiler: I don't
/* Let me reveal my "secrets" */
1. The Myth of the Perfect Shot
Professional photographers will tell you about the "decisive moment." I call it the "accidentally not terrible moment." Here's my workflow:
while (!photo.isPerfect) {
camera.takePhoto();
patience--;
battery--;
subject.getAnnoyed();
}
// Gives up and uses the least bad one
2. Equipment Doesn't Matter (Lies)
They say "the best camera is the one you have with you." That's true, but the iPhone 16 Pro I "have with me" costs more than my first car.
3. Editing: Where Magic Happens
My editing process:
- 1. Open Lightroom
- 2. Move all sliders to 100%
- 3. Panic when it looks terrible
- 4. Reset and actually learn what the sliders do
- 5. Settle for "vintage" filter
> Pro Tip: If your photo looks bad, convert it to black and white and call it "artistic."
4. The Truth No One Tells You
After 10,000 hours of practice, you'll realize:
- Light is everything
- Composition matters
- You still take mostly bad photos
- But now you know why they're bad
- Post-processing can fix anything (except your dignity)